Letting go of the person you were before you became ill - Sam

Coming to terms with the new life presented by the change in your health (regardless of that being mental, physical or both), is a confrontation that we all face due to the fact that trauma changes a person. Going through a stressful or turbulent time can induce the body and mind to react in a multiple of different ways, some more predictable than others. 

When faced with a massive change in life, mine personally was basically going from fine to gravely ill within weeks, it's funny because I never thought one day I'd wake up unwell and then just never get better. 

Before I became ill, I was a very active person, I was very social and loved trying new food/drink spots - plus me and J love the theatre/shows, so we went quite often. Usually involving dinner and drinks and a night in the city. We went hill walking and played badminton together. Then we had the dog (one at that time) so we were both quite active with Harris too. I did classes and gym sessions by myself usually or with a friend.

We had just moved in together, so because I was in between jobs I took the opportunity of the break to decorate and furnish our home. Thinking that once Christmas was over and done with, then I'd return to work. Seems pretty normal to be fair, which was fine by me. 

When I compare that life to the barely life that I live at the moment, they are of two different people entirely. 

Becoming ill has been life changing for me in many ways. It took me a long time to realise those who appear weak are often the strongest willed. 

It took a long time to realise that this was still my life and I was still me. 

We need to remember that our past has passed us for a reason. And we as individuals can only have so much control over ones whole life, especially with all the random and unique opportunities. 

To learn from the past though, there is gold in that. 

Saying goodbye to the old you, isn't you saying farewell to you altogether, just the bits of you that have outgrown or changed. 

Sam X



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